ever get that heavy feeling?

ever get that heavy feeling when you can't figure out if you're being attacked, convicted or you've just drunk too much caffeine?

well I have it, and the worst thing is that it could be due to numerous issues.

One thing I've been thinking about recently is the youth band that I'm involved with. Not long ago I kind of made the decision that I was probably not going to carry on with it, and since then I felt SOOOO heavy about it. Basically, I suck at it. In an attempt to engage with them I seem to regress back into the self-centered teenager that I THOUGHT I had left behind sometime during my early university years. I get obsessed with bragging about the stuff I've done or got or whatever, in an attempt to "connect" with the young people I'm working with. I also lack patience with them, and time to commit to making real friendships with them. I just feel like I'm failing at the whole thing and so I reckon "Hey, this is clearly not my gift, I tried it, but now I gotta get out". Problem is there is no one to take over so.............. Am I feeling heavy cause I'm supposed to carry on? Or heavy cause I just wanna offload a burden that I am not carrying well? Or it has nothing to do with this and I'm just feeling guilty?

Along with this I am feeling more and more convinced that I live my life in a bubble of Christianity and, even more disturbing, churchianity. It's time to step out of the comfort zone and head into the real world, where the gospel is needed, where there are people who don't know Jesus, or any love at all, and really need Him.

Anyway, I'm really praying God will give me some guidance on these issues.

I hate the heavy feeling, but often God seems to speak to me out of these times. And stuff happens.

Peace.